French Cafe´(we could enjoy together)

Yesterday, I went to the Chermside shopping centre to visit the Apple shop and see if I can have my old iPhone fixed. After I had finished at the Apple store there wasn't anything else that I needed to do there, but I fancied a coffee.

There is a French "style" cafe´ in the mall. It's uncommon to find French style cafe´s and restaurants in Australia. I know Akiko really likes French things :P and I know it is very common and popular in Japan but in Australia I have never been to any French shops. I decided I would try this one in Chermside.

As I sat there, drinking my coffee, I noticed a few couples walking by, they appeared to be happy, maybe it was youth's charm, puppy love, or the simple joys of human attraction. Whatever may be the reason for those people looking happy was not important, they appeared to be happy, enjoying their attraction and their companionship. It was nice to see it, but at the same time it made me feel lonely.
I realized, "here I am alone, looking around, longing, suffering." Sometimes reading the news on my phone, and sometimes looking around to take in the view. I realized in the moment that I noticed the couples, and the feeling of longing rose within, that I was alone, looking at people walking by, wishing I was somewhere else, or with someone else (Akiko). I felt I looked desperate sitting there alone, wishing I wasn't.
I got up from my seat shortly after I finished reading the news. Headed through the mall toward the bus terminal. Still noticing couples laughing, exchanging looks of desire and enjoyment with each other. As they smiled, kissed, touched each other softly, I again felt sorry for myself. I dont look at people for more then a second or two, but I couldn't help notice what was in front of my eyes and to notice how I envied them.
When I sat on the bus, heading home, as the evening closed in, and the sun set, I read The Lotus Sutra Guide and again realized I was alone, but this time it didn't matter. I wanted nothing other then to feel alive without wanting what I don't have. A calmness came from with and without, I let go and allowed myself to be as I was, but I didn't not suffer in being in that moment.
I told myself, "why not be as a tree, expressing my nature, standing tall wherever I am, without suffering when the sun sets and darkness is all around. just to be as I am, without attachments to what may be outside of myself, or what is not within reach."
I do wish that I may live many more years though, so i can be together with Akiko, to express my attraction, my appreciation, live as lovers do. There may be dark times there too and I would be a fool to think we would live without challenges and levels of sorrow. I can only prepare myself to be like a tree. To stand by her as I am, in darkness and in light.